Yesterday was unbelievable. Two reviews came out for Walking with Elephants (WWE). Two amazing reviews. One a 4.5 stars at Indie Bookspot http://indiebookspot.com/2012/05/18/review-walking-with-elephants-by-karen-s-bell-4-5-stars/ and a 5 star review at Goodreads http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/173949072.  But here’s the thing–after my publisher closed no other publisher wanted to pick it up. It was read and reread by a few editors at NYC houses and turned down. So I don’t get it–why the big disconnect? How can this book garner such glowing reviews and yet remain in the slush pile? And also why are sales so meager? I have been trying everything to get the word out on this book. The Kindle price is only $2.99. So I appeal to the readers of this blog–try it you’ll like it, if not love it, like so many of the reviewers.

So now I am polishing my second novel Sunspots. I think it’s better than WWE so I once again, against my previous decision not to do it, sent out queries to major houses. The response was ZERO. So here I go again telling myself it is not about trying to get a large readership. It’s about the writing, the thrill and joy of writing. The ability to complete the project. Trying not to feel like a failure because the writing is the validation. Because out there crap becomes best sellers along with great work. The public cannot be wrangled. The public will do what it will. All I can do is write and put it out there. What happens after is a random whimsical thing, of which I have no control. Sure I can get reviews, sure I can advertise. But it matters not so much what I do but if somehow my work touches, ignites a spark, has that unexplainable something that matches the story and writing with what the public wants at that moment. There is no formula for that. It is a most happy accident. And so I hope for happy accidents and try to motivate myself to continue writing the third novel that I started a few months ago and enjoy the process, enjoy the satisfaction of completion.

And enjoy my great life.

At the last minute the Hub and I decided to go to Germany to see our darling youngest daughter. She sings in the chorus of an opera company there and the chorus has extra concerts. Saturday night, our daughter gets to perform by herself for one song. And then Sunday night is the opera. Can’t wait to see the town she’s living in and enjoying a few days of fun, love, and wurst.

So I’m in the high of anticipating this great trip and of course today is the day the only agent, and the last agent sends me the dreaded rejection. I was through with all that when out-of-the-blue I get a request for 50 pages. An old query finally answered. The crazy thing is that I knew it would turn out like this. But I also know my second novel rocks. I’ve had great feedback from testers. I just don’t get it. And I also don’t get why I care. Yes, I can’t get my book in stores being POD and I know the giant chain store model is dying. But still. It would be really something to have that. But I have to step away from my ego and let go. It’s well-written, a grabber, and so what if I never play with the big boys. The writing is what’s supposed to matter. Not the recognition. I know I can pander to the  taste of the masses. I certainly can write steamy S&M. But you know, I won’t read that crap so why write it. My muse doesn’t give me that. I have to go with what moves me.

With that said, I’m on a roll with finding ways of staying positive. I’m reading some fabulous stuff about how at the quantum level everything is connected. And I watched some inspiring films. So the hell with fame, LOL. The hell with material riches. The hell with acclaim for my fabulous writing style.

Cause I’m going to Germany tomorrow to hear the rich and lovely soprano of the cosmos’s gift to me. My daughter, my beautiful and wonderful daughter. And she is just one of four glorious children and their families that make me say “thank you” for this life.

Why? Why? Why do I watch, NJHW? Now not only is Teresa even more horrible and annoying, her husband Joe is turning into a world-class jerk. And the NJ accents almost sound put on. Like something out of a B movie especially Kathy’s husband whathisname. C’mon. I lived in NJ for 21 years. I had friends who were born there. Nobody sounds so low class and uneducated!!!! Anyway, so then the stupid rich people decide that if you have a party-girl-loser daughter that a better place for her to live is Las Vegas. Las Vegas??? Sin city?Is that the Bravo network’s idea? Surely parents couldn’t be that stupid. Well,it will be something to watch if I can stand this season with Melissa’s nose job that nobody mentions, Joe’s unemployment and yet they still live in that house, and Caroline thinking she’s got it together by putting her daughter on a liquid diet. Let’s see how fat she gets after that stupidity. Oi!!!

So I got very good feedback to improve, Sunspots, my second novel and it’s so much better. Thanks to all who helped. I will keep editing it because it is such a difficult process to catch everything. The book won’t be out until the fall because I entered it in a contest. Big mistake because it really wasn’t ready. You live and you learn.

It’s summer. The Hub has time off until August. Wooohooo. Gonna kick back and enjoy paradise. Our fabulous lake house, the beach, great pool, and such. Lucky, lucky, lucky me. But also gotta get working on novel number three. Stop procrastinating. Do it!

So yesterday I went on a boat off Jekyll Island to go dolphin watching and boy were they out there. Pods everywhere and putting on a show. One kept flopping on its back. It was awesome and I mean really awesome using the real definition of the word. I sat spellbound. Watching nature that has not been ruined by man, seeing dolphins being playful in the wild is humbling, awe inspiring. We humans tend to believe that we are all that is important on this planet we call home. But ALL life matters. We are so lucky to be alive and to witness all the wonders.

So even though spending all that money to advertise on Kindle Nation Daily did not really pay off ( meager sales) watching the dolphins put things in perspective. My journey in this life is the precious part. Planning and hoping are all part of the path. Whatever happens, I am lucky to be on the path and I thank the forces of nature that brought me here to experience life. The magic of just being. Awesome. The magic that brought all my children and grandchildren here. Awesome. My sweet daughter who wants to travel all the way from Germany to visit. Awesome.

This is what it’s all about. My family, my kitties.

All life has a porpoise…I mean purpose…couldn’t resist LOL.

A five star review and not from one of my giveaways. She titled it a “must for very working mother” and she lives in Tanzania. I connected with a woman in Tanzania–how awesome is that? Let’s keep it rolling. Keep those five stars comin’.

Easter Sunday is not only a special day for Christians but this Easter is a special day for other reasons. Thirty years ago my beautiful, talented youngest daughter was born.  You can hear her beautiful voice singing as background to my book trailer. Just click and play the video to be transported by her rich, velvety soprano. Love ya, sweetie.

So go to the Indie Bookspot page to read my interview. They gave me quite a full page. Very nice to support us indie publishers with that kind of coverage.

Heading out to Richmond on Monday to see my mommy and my bro and his wife, then off to DC to meet the Hub. While there I am going to reconnect with a cousin who I have not seen since childhood. We lost touch but she found me on Facebook. Fantastic. Then will see my grandson, my step-grandson and my other two kids and their spouses.  Perfect. When I get home my birthday girl will be coming from Germany where she sings with an opera company. Can’t get any better, except what the heck happened to the cherry blossoms? Hello? Are we understanding global climate change yet?

So WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE GOP????? Why are women’s personal child-bearing management choices a forum for political discussion? And just because a contraceptive is offered and covered by insurance does not mean a woman is FORCED to use it. So let’s expand on this and ban Trojans from being sold because what if a person who works at the drugstore is offended by selling something that clearly is just for sex and for not making babies. And now Gov. Perry has stopped funding for planned parenthood in Texas. Ok, so I’m not so much for abortion as much as I am for choice. But who goes to Planned Parenthood for an abortion? A middle-class white teeny bopper? Or a struggling Latino or any woman on the margins with three kids and two jobs? Okay, so you do the math, Stupid Rick–check your welfare rolls in a few years. You are creating the society that you hate by not giving over-burdened women a choice.

So now I have found several new friends on twitter who are showing me the ropes about pushing my book, Walking with Elephants. I never knew there was this mag called Kindle News Daily where I can advertise my book and reach a lot of readers. So I’ve jumped in and bought some advertising to start April 13. Wish me luck. Also it’s been a nail biting wait to see reviews after my library thing giveaway. C’mon already. The deal was I give you a free book and you give me a review. I kept up my end now please keep yours. Pretty please.

Whew! That creepy Santorum guy and his sourpuss wife may be out of the picture. Perhaps all the prayers from his religious base went into Gods spam folder. The last thing this country needs is a fanatic with a twisted interpretation of his own Bible. No separation of church and state? Did he take any American history courses to find out why that was intrinsic to the formation of this country? Anyway, hopefully Super Tuesday will kick him to the curb. Let sanity prevail. Now if Virginia would just secede with their backlash politics against women we can breathe again. Liberal virginians are horrified.

This is 2012–the future is now. Let’s move forward–not backwards. Sigh.

Okay, I knew it Smash was going to make the Marilyn character into a meany and McPhee would somehow rise to the top. Predictable, otherwise the show would have ended already after Marilyn was chosen. But McPhee can sure sing and even dance. She will totally benefit from this show. Her star is definitely rising. Good for her. Another Idol loser to make it big. I forget, where are the winners?

Okay, Downton Abbey is over and I am having withdrawal. Thank goodness for the Oscars to fill up Sunday night, but now what? I can’t believe we have to wait so long for next season. It’s criminal. What about Bates? Will he be in prison all that time? Will Mary have a load of kids by then? Will I be a doddering old fool?
Okay, I set myself up. No…I’m not one now. Smart mouths.

Happy birthday to people who have not celebrated their  birthday for four years. Hallelujah!!!

So now I’m sending out my second novel that I was sure would grab attention quickly.

Wroooong!!!!

The world of publishing is on the cusp of permanent change. An author really doesn’t need a literary agent or a publisher. But the awful thing is that best sellers need PR, marketing and to be stocked on bookstores shelves. Yes, there is the amazing experiences of some indie authors who sell millions of books on the kindle. Rare and rarer but never the less possible. Vampire and Zombie books are a good bet for that, but there was also a character-driven story that caught the imagination of readers. Walking with Elephants hasn’t been able to to that at all.  BUT.

I just finished a giveaway on Librarything. 71 people requested it from around the world. 71 people want it for free so I lowered the price to $2.99 for the ebook. Not much more than free but it hasn’t seemed to make a difference. No one’s buying it. Oh well. Perhaps the 71 people will give it a good review. Even if a subset gives a good review it will be great.

So I’m trying to get interest in my first book and find a literary agent for the second in the horrible world of publishing.  People keep telling me that just having written it is the reward, so I’m trying to stay on that point but it’s hard. So much rejection. So many no thank yous. I’m already thinking about how to design a cover so I can publish it myself on Amazon CAUSE I HATE THIS.

Anyway, I’ve been invited to sell my book, Walking with Elephants at the Amelia Island Book Festival. I have 30 books to sell. Wish me luck. I have to break this cycle of negativity. I have to remember how the ladies at the  book club loved it and that one person in the giveaway wrote to tell me she can’t wait to read it.

Ah. Wonder why I do this? Oh yeah, I love writing.